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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 12, 2024 23:28:29 GMT
Not too long before the French Revolution. A coachman is convicted by the court to be publicly shamed.
Judge: "In the name of the king and the law, you're declared honorless!"
Coachman: "Does that mean that I can't drive my coach anymore?"
Judge: "Nobody will stop you."
Coachman: "Then I don't care about the conviction!"
Judge: "Neither do I."
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 17, 2024 11:07:31 GMT
Korean War.
The US have re-conquered a village. When they march in, a short old man comes out and shouts: "Hurrah for the USA!"
Some grumpy soldier asks him: "And what did you shout when the Chinese took your village?"
"Hurrah for China!"
"So where's the difference?"
"I tell you the truth about what I told the other side!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 20, 2024 15:06:42 GMT
This one's really good:
Germany. Müller and Schulz are debating.
Schulz: "What is Kriegsrecht (martial law)?"
Müller: "When there's no war and no law."
Schulz: "Then why is it called 'Kriegsrecht'?"
Müller: "Because they declared war on the law."
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 23, 2024 22:36:59 GMT
Adolf Nazi's been appointed chancellor. On that very evening, the nazis organize a torch rally in Berlin. Hindenburg and Hitler are watching. the old president doesn't comment, nor show what he's really thinking. Then, a huge number of SA men in brown uniforms are marching along. Now Hindenburg asks Hitler: "When did we catch all those Russian soldiers?"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 26, 2024 23:57:58 GMT
Germany 1933. Two SA men meet.
#1: "How many blokes in your sturm (72–240 men) are actually convinced nazis?"
#2: "Maybe three. But give us some time, and we'll have mobbed them out too!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 31, 2024 23:08:12 GMT
German East Africa. The black natives are uprising. The colonial ministry in Berlin sends a message to the local civil servants: "The natives are to be instructed that they'll have to register every uprising six weeks before it starts, otherwise they'll have to face heavy punishment."
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 3, 2024 8:11:57 GMT
Germany in the 1930s. A man enters a deli.
Customer: "I'd like a Hitler herring."
Salesman: "Hitler herring? We don't have that. What's that supposed to be?"
Customer: "The same as a Bismarck herring - just without a head."
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 6, 2024 15:14:25 GMT
Germany 1933. The Nazi terror has started. Soon, the Germans say: "This wouldn't have happened if Hindenburg was still alive!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 11, 2024 10:10:35 GMT
This one might be something for you, lordroel : Between 1933 and 1940: A Berlinian firm writes to a customer in Amsterdam and finishes the letter with "With German greetings: Heil Hitler!" The customer ends his reply with: "With Dutch greetings! And our good queen Wilhelmina sends her regards as well." |
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lordroel
Administrator
Posts: 67,964 
Likes: 49,369
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Post by lordroel on Aug 11, 2024 10:42:26 GMT
This one might be something for you, lordroel : Between 1933 and 1940: A Berlinian firm writes to a customer in Amsterdam and finishes the letter with "With German greetings: Heil Hitler!" The customer ends his reply with: "With Dutch greetings! And our good queen Wilhelmina sends her regards as well." Kaiser Wilhelm tried, in the end she was the last standing, Hitler tried, she was the last standing. |
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 11, 2024 10:57:45 GMT
This one might be something for you, lordroel : Between 1933 and 1940: A Berlinian firm writes to a customer in Amsterdam and finishes the letter with "With German greetings: Heil Hitler!" The customer ends his reply with: "With Dutch greetings! And our good queen Wilhelmina sends her regards as well." Kaiser Wilhelm tried, in the end she was the last standing, Hitler tried, she was the last standing. Indeed she did!
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lordroel
Administrator
Posts: 67,964
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Post by lordroel on Aug 11, 2024 10:59:58 GMT
Kaiser Wilhelm tried, in the end she was the last standing, Hitler tried, she was the last standing. Indeed she did! And a reason why the kaiser never invaded the Netherlands during World War I: Kaiser Wilhelm tried to impress Queen Wilhelmina of Holland by telling her "My guards are seven feet tall and yours are only shoulder-high to them." her reply was, "Quite true, Your Majesty, your guards are seven feet tall. But when we open our dikes, the water is ten feet deep!" |
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 11, 2024 11:22:13 GMT
And a reason why the kaiser never invaded the Netherlands during World War I: Kaiser Wilhelm tried to impress Queen Wilhelmina of Holland by telling her "My guards are seven feet tall and yours are only shoulder-high to them." her reply was, "Quite true, Your Majesty, your guards are seven feet tall. But when we open our dikes, the water is ten feet deep!" Nice, I didn't know that one yet.
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 13, 2024 16:31:56 GMT
Nazi Germany. A factory owner has learned that the party put him on its "blacklist". So he meets the gauleiter and asks him, under four eyes, that he might give him quite a sum of Reichsmarks, hint hint.
Gauleiter: "As a national socialist, I have to refuse your offer by all means! But as a human being, I'm asking you: How much would you be willing to pay?"
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Post by Max Sinister on Aug 18, 2024 1:51:33 GMT
Nazi Germany again.
"Yesterday Bernhard was arrested!"
"Oh no, and he was such a decent person! For what reason?"
"Well, that's why!"
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