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Post by Max Sinister on May 11, 2024 20:59:59 GMT
As everyone knows, Adolf Nazi thought that he was competent to be the supreme commander because he had been a corporal in WW1, and thought he was competent to decide about which painters are allowed in Nazi Germany because he was able to paint aquarels.
That's why German composer Furtwängler commented: "I'm so glad that the 'führer' never played the mouth harp in his youth!"
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Post by Max Sinister on May 15, 2024 0:11:06 GMT
Austrian chancellor Bruno Kreisky (1970-83) is playing with his little grandson (probably Jan, * 1978) and asks him: "What do you want to be when you'll be a grownup?"
Grandson: "Why, chancellor, just like you, grandpa!"
Kreisky: "That's not possible! I'll still be there as well!"
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Post by American hist on May 15, 2024 1:38:30 GMT
(You can disagree with this line ) I have heard it said many times in this phrase.
Britain invaded half the world for spices and decided they didn’t like any of them
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Post by Max Sinister on May 22, 2024 14:50:44 GMT
"The Axis [Berlin-Rome] is a spit on which they want to roast Austria until it's brown."
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Post by Max Sinister on May 25, 2024 18:39:10 GMT
Recently I found out that the infamous Clodius from the very late Roman Republic actually was a member of the Claudius clan, but pronounced it rather like "Clodius" - that was the way the ordinary people did it. Seems he wanted to get their votes that way.
That's how I remembered this anecdote about emperor Vespasianus: Once, a fellow named Florus told him that he should pronounce the word for "carts" like "plaustra", not "plostra". From then on, the emperor always called him "Flaurus".
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 5, 2024 4:43:09 GMT
With thanks to @james G, from "Soviet Domination" TL, June 1977: Soviet General Secretary Leonid Brezhnev has a fatal slip-and-fall on the steps in his apartment building in Central Moscow. He cracks his head and bleeds out before anything can be done. The jokes inside his country will say that the weight of his self-awarded medals helped bring the heavy man down.
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 8, 2024 12:06:40 GMT
Another joke I know in two versions:
Nazi Germany version:
A man goes to the townhall. "I want to change my name."
Civil servant: "We only allow that if you have a really good reason! How are you named now?"
Man: "Adolf Stinker."
Civil servant: "...yes, that is a good reason. And how would you like to be named in future?"
Man: "Moritz Stinker."
GDR version (during the time when Erich Honecker and Erich Mielke were in charge):
Man: "My name is Erich Stinker, and I want to change it."
Civil servant: "I can understand that, I wouldn't like to be named Erich either."
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 15, 2024 13:24:49 GMT
From a certain "Nazis win WW2" TL:
New Russian joke: "In World War 2, we lost our lands west of the Dniepr, but gained Persia and China. So logically, in World War 3, we'll lose our lands west of the Don, but gain India and Arabia. In World War 4, we'll lose our lands west of the Volga, but gain Australia and Africa. In World War 5, we'll lost our lands west of the Urals, but gain the Americas. And then what?"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 19, 2024 18:28:55 GMT
On an Italian market during the fascist regime. There's a lack of food: No more aubergines, artichokes, even tomatoes.
A woman starts cussing: "That's just the fault of this swine!" (More cussing follows.)
A man of the secret police asks: "Who are you talking about?"
The woman reacts quickly: "My husband of course!"
Secret policeman (salutes in awe): "I'm sorry I didn't recognize you, Donna Rachele!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 22, 2024 16:32:02 GMT
Badoglio has toppled Mussolini.
Count d'Ampezzo: "It had to happen like this. He was nothing but an autodidact after all."
Baron Guglielmo Floriani: "You are absolutely right. And he also was the worst teacher one could imagine, and at the same time his worst student."
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 26, 2024 0:53:11 GMT
1936. The Italian queen chews out her husband: "How could you dare to allow Mussolini to start the war with Abyssinia?"
King: "What can I do? He does what he wants! Also - if we win the war, I'll be emperor of Abyssinia!"
Queen: "That's something different! - But if we'll lose the war?"
King: "Then I'll be king of Italy!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 29, 2024 14:43:26 GMT
Q: When will the war be over?
A: When Göring will be able to wear Goebbels' pants!
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 3, 2024 0:37:28 GMT
A graffiti in a prison cell in Madrid: "Franco's mother was a honorable lady. But he's a son of a bitch!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 6, 2024 3:39:06 GMT
In a coffeehouse in fascist Italy, a man rants about the "Duce". Another guy recommends him to stop, but he goes on. Then, the second guy shows him his badge: He's from the secret police!
Man #1: "No, please, I have a big family to feed!" (etc.)
Secret policeman: "You called the Duce a fool, I have to take you with me!"
Man #1: "I'll give you all I have - look, three hundred Lira!"
Secret policeman (takes the money): "Fine, you can leave for all I care!"
Man #1 (shows his badge): "So, you're willing to sell the Duce for three hundred Lira? You're arrested for accepting bribes!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 10, 2024 15:14:59 GMT
Lord's Prayer in Paris of 1771:
"Our Father who art in Versailles,
vilified be Thy name,
Thy kingdom is shaken,
Thy will won't be done on Earth,
as it isn't in heaven.
Give us back our daily bread that Thou hast taken from us.
And forgive the parliaments, who have betrayed Thy interests,
as Thou forgive Thy ministers, who sold them.
Do not fall into the temptation of the Dubarry again,
but deliver us from the evil that is the chancellor:
Amen."
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