miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470 
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Mar 22, 2023 21:03:27 GMT
 or  or  or  or   If you can guess who those last three (^^^) are, you are either very deep into history jokes or like ice hockey. |
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Post by Max Sinister on Mar 25, 2023 22:08:26 GMT
1944. Two Germans are talking.
"Have you heard about the new miracle weapon? It's a two-man submarine with a meter-thick rubber coating!"
"Ah, so it won't be detected by sonar?"
"No, better: It'll just go around England - and rub it out!"
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Mar 25, 2023 22:18:56 GMT
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Post by Max Sinister on Apr 20, 2023 4:15:39 GMT
Bill Clinton meets Boris Yeltsin. They have some drinks and start sharing secrets.
Clinton: "I have a problem. I have twelve bodyguards, and I have learned that one of them was bribed to kill me - but I don't know which one!"
Yeltsin: "I also have a problem. I have twelve advisors for the economy, and whenever I ask them a question, I get twelve different answers."
Clinton: "Well... then just check who's right the next time, and fire the rest."
Yeltsin: "You don't understand, brother! It's always a different one!"
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Apr 20, 2023 6:39:03 GMT
If you want to tell Clinton jokes, do it in the American style:
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What does Bill Clinton say to Hillary after making love?
"I'll be home in 15 minutes."
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Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary the morning after she lost to Donald Trump.
He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.
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Bill Clinton finds a lantern washed up on the beach...
One day Bill Clinton was walking along the beach and found a magic lamp that had washed up, partially buried in the sand. He picked it up, rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, “One wish.”
Bill thought for a minute and said, “I want to be the guy who brings peace in the Middle East.”
The genie, having been in the lamp for eons, didn't know anything about this and asked Bill to explain.
Bill pulled out a map of the Middle East and went through the history and details of the situation.
The genie said, ” That's too tall of an order. I’m good but not that good! Do you have another wish?”
Bill replied," Well, Hillary wants to be president and I would sure like to be back in the White House, so how about making Hillary the most respected, charismatic and beautiful woman on earth? That would for sure get her elected."
The Genie thought for minute and said, “Let me see that map again."
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Bill Clinton fresh from China steps off of a helicopter onto the White House lawn
He's carrying a pig under each arm. A marine who's there to greet him says, "Nice pigs, sir!" Clinton responds, "Thank you! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea." The marine replies, "Nice trade, sir!"
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Bill Clinton Dies and Goes to Heaven...
Bill Clinton dies and is met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greets Bill with some warmth and a smile. Bill is a bit confused, but goes along with the warm welcome. Further adding to Bill's confusion is what seems to be an infinite wall of old clocks.
Bill asks, "Peter, what are all of these clocks for?"
"They are lie counters, Bill," Peter responded. "Each time a person lies, the second hand moves one tick."
Bill looks a little closer and sees a clock with Mother Theresa written on the tag. It was sitting with all three clock hands perfectly on the 12.
"That is good proof that Mother Theresa never told a lie," explained Peter.
Bill looked around and saw another clock that was marked Abraham Lincoln. This clock read 5 seconds past noon. Peter remarked, "Ah, the famous Abraham Lincoln. He was a good man, but he was a politician. He did tell a few lies to get into office!"
After hearing this, Bill started to look around with some fervor. He searched and searched, but could not find what he was looking for. Peter noticed this and inquired about Bill's search, "What are you searching for, Bill?"
"I am looking for my wife Hillary's clock! I want to know how many times she has lied!"
Peter smiled as he replied, "God has a special place for her clock, Bill. He keeps it in his office as a ceiling fan,"
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Post by Max Sinister on Apr 22, 2023 7:27:18 GMT
Didn't know the one about Mandela yet, thanks.
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Post by Max Sinister on Apr 26, 2023 22:44:45 GMT
After German president Hindenburg had appointed Adolf Hitler new chancellor, he asked some aide afterwards: "Since when does that Brüning fellow wear a moustache?"
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Apr 27, 2023 2:56:37 GMT
 They were fleeing Puritans. Why they fled tanned Puris is a question, that our historians have never been able to answer... Were the pale Puris not bad enough? |
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
|
Post by miletus12 on Apr 27, 2023 8:25:15 GMT
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
|
Post by miletus12 on Jun 1, 2023 9:50:21 GMT
 or  IT is what the British promised him. |
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Post by Max Sinister on Jun 10, 2023 1:01:01 GMT
An East German Socialist functionary and a West German are arguing.
Socialist: "In Communism, we value the human higher than the money!"
West German: "That's why we lock up our money - and you, your people!"
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 1, 2023 20:01:13 GMT
1945. An elderly German is called up for military service. The doctor asks him to which branch of the service he wants to go. The man answers that he doesn't know enough about it.
"But you must have served in the First World War", the doctor says.
"Oh, no", the man replies. "I was too old then."
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Jul 14, 2023 23:39:43 GMT
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Post by Max Sinister on Jul 15, 2023 21:15:10 GMT
1941. A Royal Marine is shown the sights of Moscow by an Intourist guide. "This is the Eden Hotel, formerly Ribbentrop Hotel. Here is Churchill Street, formerly Hitler Street. Here is the Beaverbrook railway station, formerly Goering railway station. Will you have a cigarette, comrade?" "Thank you, comrade, formerly bastard!"
(h/t to Winston Churchill)
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miletus12
Squadron vice admiral
To get yourself lost, just follow the signs.
Posts: 7,470
Likes: 4,295
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Post by miletus12 on Jul 15, 2023 21:39:33 GMT
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